I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
