wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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