all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
