They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
