Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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