Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize