She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize