Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
