I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
