just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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