Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need moral support for this bender
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize