she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
