If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
