alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize