glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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