ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
