just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
