and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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