just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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