You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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