i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
