i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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