I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
