ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
