I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
