She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
