How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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