Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
