He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
