who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
