Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
