College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That accounts for only three of the penises
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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