Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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