remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
