take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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