is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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