If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
