Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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