Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
