hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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