Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She even gives head with a lisp.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
