I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
