i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
