I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
even my farts smell like vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's like iHOP with fire
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
