My friends, they love my intelligence
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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