That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
