I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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