Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
