My first STD was from a foam party
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
