I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's get the cat blown out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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