If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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