Plan B is the new Plan A
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
