fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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