babies were throwing up all over the place
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
