the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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