I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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