i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
