I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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