I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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