i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
