how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
