she was so not down for the gang bang
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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