We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And then the night went full on bisexual.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
