Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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