Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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