Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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