Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
