I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
